Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
