they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
