im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
