Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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