He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
