I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
worst night to have a conscience
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
