Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My pussy is not your playground.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
