Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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