normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
