If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My life is pants optional.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
