I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
