I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
