I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize