This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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