I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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