You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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