Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
