I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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