She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
