Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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