Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
