So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
