what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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