Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize