I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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