that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
