I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
