I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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