We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't want my vagina anymore.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
