I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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