No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
