where am i from again
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
