he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
