everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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