just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
