his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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