My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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