Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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