I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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