State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
