I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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