i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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