i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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