I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
