I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
