What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
