Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
