She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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