I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
These tits shall not be calmed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
