I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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