last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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