I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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