walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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