last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
