Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Will exercising make me less horny?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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