My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How naked do you want me to be?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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