Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
