fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
