so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
