WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
