So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize